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Prospectus News voted best

Contributing Writers

Published: Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Updated: Thursday, March 29, 2012 02:03

seanwinsprops

Illustration by Michael Hogue/MCT

Artist rendition of Prospectus News Editor, Sean Hermann, holding the trophy presented to the community college news team.

In a recent poll taken by everyone in the world ever, Prospectus News was voted the best publication that has ever existed. This unprecedented result has caused a great deal of uproar among some of the most respected journalists and some of the less respected average people.

When asked to comment on the subject, Barbara Walters said, “No one deserves it more! Prospectus News has the best online content, and the most original stories.”

Other famous people are joining Babs on the Prospectus News bandwagon. “It’s the only thing I read. The images always go well with the stories and the layout is the best I’ve ever seen,” said Abraham Lincoln.

White House Chief of Staff Jacob Lebew told this reporter, “Every morning, as a major part of the briefing process, President Obama reads newspapers from all around the world.  He insists on reading Prospectus News first.”

As you can see, Prospectus News is obviously the best thing since sliced bread. Prospectus News is awesome. Prospectus is quite great, as a matter of fact. In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome. As you can see, Prospectus News is obviously the best thing since sliced bread. Prospectus News is awesome. Prospectus is quite great, as a matter of fact. In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome.

As you can see, Prospectus News is obviously the best thing since sliced bread. Prospectus News is awesome. Prospectus is quite great, as a matter of fact. Stuff that is great wishes it could be more like Prospectus News.  In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome.  Just don’t ever call it “The Prospectus!”

As you can see, Prospectus News is obviously the best thing since sliced bread. Prospectus News is awesome. Prospectus is quite great, as a matter of fact. In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome. In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome.  Just don’t ever call it “The Prospectus!” In truth, sliced bread wishes it was quite as all around jaw-droppingly amazing as Prospectus News.  Prospectus News is Awesome.  Just don’t ever call it “The Prospectus!”

Ham sandwiches are quite good.  Prospectus News is better.  Some have said that Prospectus News could take Chuck Norris in a fight while blindfolded and nursing a small child.  This would clearly make it quite good, indeed.  Most newspapers are incapable of that sort of activity.  We’re not certain even where its eyes are for the blindfold, which makes it even more impressive. 

Prospectus News declared better than pizza by a landslide.  Philosophy major Marcy Grzlack stated, “The thing I like so much about Prospectus News is that I can read it all I want and I never gain weight! Not like pizza.”

Prospectus News is also quite light. It’s easier to carry than even an iPad, which has representatives at Apple in an uproar.  CEO Tim Cook said, “Most people seem to think that we’re only competing with Microsoft and Android, but the bar has really been set by Prospectus News.  I don’t see how we can compete with something so clearly awesome.”

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